Catching up with business #2

Motto of this chapter::
You always meet twice in a lifetime.

So here I was heading home from the flat of the two druggies, trying to process all the information I received in the past two or so hours, and also trying to figure out, how I am going to explain this to my mum or to anyone for that matter. I was basically only shaking my head over how things like this always happen to me, and how I should seriously win an equivalent to the Darwin Award, for my stupidity of actually going with them to their flat.

When my mum opened the door, tears of relief started rolling. I was finally out of that horrifying situation, but I also knew, that these two guys knew my name, and thus also knew where I lived, and I had no idea, whether they had found the drugs in their mail, or if I would receive an unpleasant visit anytime from then on. My mum was of course worried to death what had happened when she saw me crying. I didn't know where to start.

The story went a little like the first part of the story I posted here. Even before I was finished my mum was already worked up. For one because of my stupidity (duh) and also because she thought we should just go there and tell 'em to give back the money they owe me. I found that to be a complete bullshit idea, seeing that if they were into some sort of drug business, they wouldn't be scared by an older person, and would probably also kick the living hell out of me or her or anyone, should they need to. I could atleast not be sure that they wouldn't, and that is why I told my mum to calm down and not do anything as stupid.

I waited for my sister to come home, which was only a few minutes from when I finally had my mum fairly calm, and told her the whole thing again aswell. She always knows how to handle delicate situations. She phoned a friend of hers who works for the police and asked her as a friend, not as a cop, what we should do. She said we shouldn't go there again, and instead contact the police. But I was worried that it was too obvious that I would be the one who had told the police about any of their drug business. I didn't want any harm happen to me or anyone related to me. I decided to calm down first, meet a friend in the city and ask him, he had been a "G" (haha sorry for that, T, if you read this) before, and knew his chunk of not quite so friendly people.

So I rode into the city, and we sat down for a beer, and again I told this story (It was already getting on my nerves to tell about it). He listened just like my mum and sister, and just as I was finishing my second beer, I finished with the story and sat back. I looked outside the window and you won't believe me when I tell you, that the two druggies walked past. I jumped up yelling "That's them!" and was already out the door. My friend thought I was joking, paid the stuff we had eaten, and followed me outside.

He quickly catched up on me, as I was following the two, who were headed towards a ruther slum-ish region of our city, which also had the red light district etc situated in it. As we were following them one of the rather regularly patroling cop cars slowly drove through the shopping area. My friend nodded at them suggesting we should probably go ahead and ask them for help, because obviously they could help. I accepted and we stopped them. It must've sounded weird what we told them, something like this:"Sir, right around the corner are two guys who ripped me off earlier today, taking money from me and waving with bags of drugs infront of my face!", they instantly drove to get them.

We stood there shrugging. They had told us to wait, they'd be back in a minute. Then it came to me, how stupid I was, by standing here: They were gonna take the two guys in their car, and come back here, to discuss what had happened. I'd be face-to-face with them, and they'd know exactly what was going on. I was scared shitless. I told my friend about my assumption and he suggested we just ride to the police station and explain things there. So we legged it and headed for the police station.

Having arrived there I had to tell the story again (*yaaaawn*) and through the multiple times of telling the story and my being scared I forgot the whole chronological order, and my friend kept reminding me of things to add. This is obviously not the best way to tell a true story to the police, or to anyone really. It doesn't sound true that way. Especially, if you are a stupid cop like atleast one of them was, who couldn't wrap their mind around the - in my opinion rather easy - story.

One of cops, sitting infront of a computer, entered the name of one of them into their database. He instantly got his record, which looked pretty impressive: Multiple charges for drug possession, drug dealing, housebreaking and assault. This, I believe, helped the cops believe my story a fair bit. They called the patrol my friend and I had stopped, and asked whether they had gotten the two. My "luck" struck yet again: they hadn't. So it was back to the question, what was I gonna do. The police told me, that the chances of the white stuff they had showed me being actual drugs were really low, it was probably some sort of powder to "stretch" the amount. Thus they themselves wouldn't do anything.

This logic was and is completely ridiculous in my opinion. I am a civilian who has never had a record with the police or anywhere else, and I am telling the police about two known "bad guys" selling drugs and ripping me off, and the police does nothing about it? What the fuck? Where is there a logic behind that at all anyway? They said I could try to send a formal letter to them, saying that I demand my money back by a certain date, and should they not comply, there was the chance of me getting it by sueing. But again, what the fuck? I wanted to avoid contact at all costs.

I decided to take no action at that time. I felt bad for having fallen to their scam, for having given them my money, for having brought the whole situation on myself. I drove home, told my dad about it, who wanted to hear the story from me again. He asked a friend of his (also a cop) a day later aswell, but I learned nothing new from him either. I had to tell them to give back my money, but I wasn't man enough to do that, in fear of harm. So I decided to do nothing and learn my lifelesson from this course in "Don't take candy from strangers".

This was one of the probably top unbelievable stories that ever happened to me. I hope you enjoyed reading it, and learn your own lesson from it, so that you don't have to do the same things wrong that I did.

Hopefully I'll be back to more regular updating again. I can never tell how active I am, I know, I know - I'm a slacker. I should write more. Apparently it's one of my better skills.

So long,
stay tuned!

Cheers,
Franz

Me and My Women #6

Motto of this chapter:
Pictures say more than a thousand words.

I stumbled across this really interesting side, which inspired me to make this update. Wordle is a site, that offers the ability to create pictures out of long texts. It plots the words, giving those words that occur more often a bigger font than the ones, that occur less often while keeping the variance of pictures immense, by allowing heaps of different fonts, styles and other preferences.

I thought this was perfect to be used for one thing:
Plot every single text of my women into a picture, and post them here.

Warning: Java required. I do not recommend opening those pictures on slow computers.

My Woman C:
My Woman E:
My Woman M:
My Woman A:
My Woman L:

I especially like the following sentences:
C: Afterwards cheating boyfriend
E: Single, caring, quickly interested
M: Left after Australia
A: Time said "winter!", still, Cambridge - Netherlands?
and also: Shared anything, find beginning, want something warm
L: Boyfriend wanted place

So long,
I hope you had fun!

Cheers,
Franz

Interlude #2

Motto of this chapter:
Eadem mutata resurgo, mawfakka!

So, as everyone is hopefully anxiously awaiting the second part of the druggie-story, I am taking a quick breath before I continue, which gives me time to pop out a few other things, that will be interesting aswell, just on a different level.

First of all I want to give a little update on the whole tattooing thing. I am absolutely positive about the left arm tattoo by now, whilst I put the scar one on hold. Furthermore I've been looking for fonts and styles to realize the "eadem mutata resurgo" one. I asked a friend of mine who designs tattoos for the fun of it (and that pretty well) for his opinion after I made a basic draft of what I want the font to be. His idea can be seen in the box to the right.

While I quite like what he did there, I have a few remarks about it. First, the center piece of the work shall be the writing itself. Second, I like the whole bloody dagger and diamond thing, but I don't see a connection there, although he says it is a "vanitas-symbol" which would fit perfectly to the slogan. I would prefer the writing to be turned by 90°, made bigger, stripped off of the diamond and dagger, and instead have a phoenix rising from his ashes added. Seeing how that goes with the theme of "I arise, the same though changed" pretty well. Third, I love the red outlining up top and on the sides, I'd want that all around, with maybe one or two stars.

He said he will sit down again and, seeing how he really is talented with that kind of stuff, I have faith that it will get awesome, and that I can get it inked soon. I'll definately reward him for his work.

Secondly, I changed the layout of the site a little bit. I updated to Blogger 2.0, which enhanced the Archive to the left, and also added a nice little header up top. If you want to link to my site, please feel free to use this banner. I also use it as a new signature in basically all forums I am active in.

By the way, Feedback on anything is appreciated (Tattoo and layout ideas etc etc pp).

So long,
stay tuned!

Cheers,
Franz

Catching up with business

Motto of this chapter:
There's always something to do, life just doesn't get boring.

Atleast in my case the motto applies perfectly. Of course I have times, where I am bored, but that quickly drops and I am back in some kind of action. And if there really is a period of boredom I just participate in a party, and it is assured that some kind of action is on.

Last year, around the time when I got to know A, I was on my way to a party. The train I was supposed to catch was late. Besides me there were two other guys waiting for the train, I asked them after 20 minutes whether they knew what was going on, and when they said they had no clue, we together cursed on the bad organization of the germans. When finally the train arrived, I was happy to be ~1:15h late.

The next day I went home from my sister's place, and when I walked to the front of the train I saw the two guys from the day before again. I walked by, nodding my head towards them. They asked me to wait, and said they had no ticket, and whether they could drive with me on my ticket. I knew it wasn't going to work, and told them so, but they insisted to try. Picture me between two guys with shaved heads overtowering me on either side. I said we would try.

When the ticket guy came, he of course said, it wouldn't work that way, and the two guys would have to get out or buy a ticket asap. I grinned to myself, and walked away. As soon as I sat, one of the two guys approached me, because they were going to buy a ticket, but had no money on them. He asked me, if I could borrow them 15 Euro real quick, they'd give it back, when we arrived in my home town. I didn't want to be the reason for those two guys to have to leave the train, so I said I could borrow them the money.

In my home town we walked to their place. When we arrived, one of the two took a spoon, a lighter and a belt and went into the bathroom, which made me suspicious already, especially regarding the condition of the "flat":
- doors taken out of their hinges
- pictures of several little kids with their happy mom's on the walls
- table filled with lighters, spoons and crack pipes
- the bed consisting of just a mattress
...

I should've turned and walked away right as soon as my head had processed these informations. But y'know, I figured, if they do these kind of things, they will do other things too, and they will not want anyone to know about it. So I stayed and hoped to get the money and then go. The second guy was reading some mail he got, apparently from his mum, sending him a 50 Euro bill. I asked him about the money again, to which he replied with "Yo, dude, how about we work something out, I have speed here, weed, I can organize anything you want!". That moment the other guy comes from the toilet, walking pretty unsteady, looking trippy. I was scared to death.

I told him that I don't want to have anything to do with their drugs, all I wanted was my 15 Euro. He said, he'd have to check with his mate's mum, if she could break the 50 Euro note. They grabbed a few things and we headed there, it was only a few houses down the road. Halfway there one of them handed me a bag and said "Hold this for me a second, I don't want my mum to know about my drug-stories.". When I asked what was in the bag, he replied "A good chunk of Weed.". So now I had a bag full of weed in my hand, walking with two druggies to one of their mums to get 15 Euro back.

On arrival I was asked to stay downstairs, at the stairs of the apartment building, because, as mentioned before, the mum shouldn't know about anything related to drugs. The two guys went upstairs and returned only 5 minutes later. I was still shitting myself badly, so don't ask me why, but for some reason they had a good reasoning when they asked me for another 50 Euro, which they then had to planned to use to give me back the money they owed me. And of course, as the wuss I tend to be in these situations, I gave them the 50 Euro bill I had with me, and they went back upstairs, leaving me with the weed bag at the stairs, where there were children running around everywhere.

I sat there, waiting for them to hopefully return sooner rather than later, and after a while it occured to me that they were taking way longer than I had expected them to. I had waited 30 minutes on them already, when I first asked one of the kids if they knew the guys I came in with, and whether they maybe knew, where the mum of one of them lived. I only got shrugging shoulders and question marks. I thought 'Fuck that, I'll just leave' but then I realized I still had their drugs, and they would probably be major pissed if I just ran for it. I instead went ahead and asked the shopowner of a clothing store in the same building if they knew who the two guys were and where the mum lived. Again, nothing but shrugging.

I waited another half hour. They didn't come back. All kinds of bizarre scenarios went through my head, what if they had called the cops on me, or what if they were waiting only a few hundred meters away waiting for me to run for it and then grab me and give me the beating of my life. But still, I had to do something. I had taken a sneakpeak in the bag already and had seen that there wasn't only a good lump of what was supposed to be weed, but also a major bag of some sort of white powder. That increased my tension and my angst of maybe being caught.

But I couldn't just leave the bag there and leave either. There were kids all around, and I would be the one to be held responsible, should something happen. And I could definately not take the bag with me. My mum would shred me into pieces already anyway, I didn't want to burn in hell additionally afterwards. I chose to go back to the flat and hope for them to be there.

Of course they weren't. So I was back at the same situation just at a different place. I chose to ask the woman behind the counter of a flowershop below the flat if they had a clue. When I asked about the guy owning the flat she said that he was in rehab and hadn't been home for months. When I told her that he owed me money and that I had stuff that belonged to him I only realized afterwards why she looked at me strange. So back out I went and still needed a solution.

I chose that housebreaking would be better than heavy drugdealing, opened their postbox with force, crammed the bag in there, closed the postbox with force again, and legged it like I never did before.

This is the end of the first part of this story. I hope you are anxiously waiting for part II. Give me some time to write it up.

So long,
stay tuned!

Cheers,
Franz

Woman L - Addendum

Motto of this night:
The hardest thing is telling someone you love, that you like them

I know, I know. I'm drunk, I shouldn't be posting at all. But according to a calculator I got off the Internet I have 2.15% (2.15mg/g concentration). And I am still able to write proper english. So who fucking cares ;) (The swearing was necessary, yes!).

I was just in my favorite nightclub with my best friend G, and had alot of fun, until L turned up - WITH her ex-(ex-(ex-?)?)boxfriend. This completely fucked me up. So to help anyone in a similar condition, here a songtext, that will make you feel even worse.

Edguy - When a hero cries

Awake by that dreams of you
Being all alone in the night
Coldness in my empty chamber
No one here holding me tight

I could take a masquerade
To show you I don't need to cry
But I can let
My tears run away
To show you I'm
As weak as a child

So many times you make me cry
But I got no reason to deny
Because I'm here and still alive

When a hero cries,
Emotions arise
The tears in my face
Seem to be a trace of life
When a hero cries

It felt like heaven to me
But it was nothing for you
You said that I should forget
But it ran me through
And I still can't deny
That you still make me cry.


When a hero cries,
Emotions arise
When a hero cries,
Emotions arise
The tears in my face
Seem to be a trace of life
When a hero cries
When a hero cries

So long,

Cheers,
Franz

Interlude

Motto of this chapter:
Tattoo ain't no taboo!

I feel that I need a little interlude before I go on about my past year. The whole "Me and My Women" thing was a big chunk of partly *yawn*-info, so I might aswell throw in a few other things before. First of all, I've been thinking about getting one or more tattoos, and I finally have two ideas which I think are fairly good and/or funny.

The first idea is illustrated on the picture to the right. It is supposed to show a dotted line and scissors. I've been wanting to work with my scar for quite a while, just never has a decent idea crossed my mind, until a friend of mine suggested that idea, and it's been stuck in my head since. Another illustration of how I want it to look like can be found in this quick Paint picture. I even added scissors in it. I am still unsure whether I should add a writing reading "Cut along the dotted line".

The second idea is the name of this blog. "Eadem mutata resurgo" on my lower left arm. I am still searching for a proper font, and I don't know how to align it yet. All in one line, three lines each with one word, if three lines, right below each other or with a certain shifting, etc etc. I also am not sure about the size of it. But I am pretty much settled on the idea of getting it. I just have to overcome my chickenness and do it.

On another note I would like to ask everyone reading this blog regularly or intending to do so to email me (hahn (dot) franz (at) googlemail (dot) com) from an email-adress they check regularly, so I can add them to an automated mailing system that informs of new posts. Of course if you do not wish to get noticed about new posts, don't bother. I would also love to hear any feedback about both the blog and ideas of mine like the tattoos. Just email me!

Prepare for another big update beginning of next week, guys and girls.

Good fight, good night.

Cheers,
Franz

Me and My Women Resumée and Further Updates

This basically sums up all my serious involvements with women. I will keep you updated about them in the future. They are usually a fun story to tell.

I will work on further updates when I head back to the Netherlands. I plan to sum up my study and a second article about anything else that happened. Then I can start writing up-to-date stuff again. I hope you stick to this!

Cheers,
FranzTEXT

Me and My Women #5 - L

Lesson learned from this woman:
Don't even try fixing a broken heart, you'll end up being hurt and possibly used.

This story is the most recent and possibly the most hurting of them all. I first mentioned L during the period when I tried forgetting about A. I saw her in my club of choice and liked the visual, and I loved her dancing. It gave me shivers watching her. But I was just getting rid of a woman, so I told myself not to get in the next story right away. But it was so tempting, that my curiosity finally won. As I was too shy to go ahead and chat her up I organized me her name and messenger details and chatted her up there.

My hopes quickly crumbled down as she told me that she had just gotten out of a four and a half year relationship and her ex-boyfriend was due to come home from Australia - the mentioning of Australia made me giggle inside. She told me she had some half-story with a barkeeper in my favorite club, and that her ex had announced that he wanted her back, even though he had cheated on her. But in basically the same sentence she said that she would be interested in meeting me. So I didn't give up and chatted with her quite frequently. When I went home the following weekend we met in person and spoke the first time and I was just in love with her from that moment on. But I had concludded from my previous women that I am always endangered to get too deep too fast, so I decided to ask her right the next day if she could think of me and her as a couple in the near of far future. She said no, and I was able to accept it and move on, after announcing, that our contact would need to go down.

The next week she chatted me up immediately, saying she wanted to come to the Netherlands and stay with me for fife days, which I took as a sign, that she changed her opinion. I was happy to hear about it, and we started chatting more frequently again. She liked me, she admitted. We started talking via phone, nearly even broke the record I had with M. She clutched onto me, because the thing with the barkeeper was not working out at all, and I was once again playing heart-mechanic. We were also getting quite intimate verbally. It was Thursday and she was due on Wednesday of the following week. I decided I would take an unplanned trip home for the weekend and meet her, and when she heard about it, she was incredibly happy and said she was looking forward to seeing me.

So I went home, we went to get something to eat, we went to the movies, she invited me to her place, we hung out, made out, were very romantic. She asked me if I would want to stay at her place for the night which I of course answered with a "Yes!". The whole making out and being romantic part was killing the last voices of carefulness. We got under her only blanket, and as we were laying there, half naked, her head on my chest, she suddenly said that I should go, because she had just realized, that she wanted back to her ex-boyfriend. I was fucked that right moment. She started crying, I told her not to cry, got up, got dressed and left broken-heartedly.

I chatted her up the following week, asking her about her new old relationship, asking her about the barkeeper, helping her with her hurt heart. Only one and a half weeks after she got back with her (ex-?)boyfriend they broke up again, or rather, she broke up again. I'm a little confused concerning the name of him now, is it her ex-boyfriend, or her ex-ex-boyfriend? Hm. Anyway, let's move on. She had something with Mr. Barkeeper again. A few days later she was going to a festival with her ex-(ex-(ex-?)?)boyfriend. When I headed home that week she asked me if I wanted to come, which I felt was pretty rude. I denied.

From said festival I got a call that weekend. I took it, and screamed whether she was there, as I only heard loud music. When she didn't reply I noticed the actual song playing and recognized it as "The Offspring - Self Esteem". Now if you are not familiar with it, the lyrics are basically about a guy being used by a girl. The song is from the guys perspective, how he is heart-broken but cannot let her go, and she keeps hurting him. I instantly knew that there was a reason why she let me hear that exact song. I felt like someone had hit me with a katana right through my heart. She was admitting that she was playing with me.

The next week when I was in the Netherlands again we chatted and she told me by the way about how her ex was coming over to bring pizza. When I asked her whether she was back with him, she said she didn't know and was confused. I asked her to call me the next day, I wanted to ask her about her feelings for me and about that stupid idea with the song. She never called. Instead she wrote me a text message, which only read that she can't call, her ex- was there and they were watching football, she would call on the weekend. I sent her a text message that I couldn't care less about the phone call anymore, that everything was basically said, and that I wont contact her again. That was yesterday. I'm feeling relief.

I just have to stick to my commitments.

Me and My Women #4 - A

Lesson learned from this woman:
You can not fix a broken heart, even if you try your hardest.

A has been one of the weirdest encounters that I have ever had with a woman. All women I have met were sort of planned, or always had a long time of getting to know each other before anything else. I met A after a prom in a very posh disco, in which she only partied, because someone dragged her there. She felt uncomfortable there, and I did aswell. I knew her from way back, when she used to date a classmate of mine, and I did find her interesting back then, but I never had the guts to talk to her besides saying "Hi!". So when we met there, we somehow started talking and chatted all night, until I had to drag my drunk sister home.

During the whole time of me bringing my sister home I thought only of her, and how I didn't even know her name and neither had I gotten her phone number. But since our two and a half hour chat had been very intense and we had found, that we had incredibly many things in common, I wanted it badly. I felt an urge I had only known from women I had known for quite a while and who I had liked alot for quite a while. So once my sister was safe in bed I went back to the club and just as I stand infront of it she comes out to go to her car. I shared my kebab I had gotten down the road and got her phone number, which was the beginning of something big for me.

This had been a Friday. A and I met everyday from Saturday to Wednesday, having alot of fun and getting to know each other. On Monday I already had very strong feelings for her and felt, that I could maybe finally become happy. She told me how she had to hold back to not take my hands and similar things, but as she had been disappointed by her earlier relationships she did not want to start anything before she was not 100% sure about her feelings.

I could not understand her lack of feelings, especially regarding the things she told me. We were verbally intimate and loving, but I had decided not to take any actions because she said she needed time. The next Friday I went to KiSiWo, and when I came back A was already on her way to Switzerland, where she had a job as Au-Pair for six weeks. We called each other regularly during this time, everything seemed to be fine. But I also knew she was going to go to Cambridge once she came back. And I was going to start my study in the Netherlands. It would be hard, but doable, I thought.

When she came back, we still met atleast every second day, but I felt that it was not going to work out. Don't get me wrong, we were still very close, as close as before, but I just knew, that if she needs this long to commit to something then it was hardly going to work out. She said she was going to come to the Netherlands during winter, and how she would miss me, and we said goodbye.

The moment she came to Cambridge I started to help her through probably one of the roughest times of her life. She was incredibly unhappy with Cambridge, or rather with the courses she was taking. She missed home, and she said she missed me. She changed courses, I was still in love with her, we moved on. End of 2007 she came to the Netherlands, where we had a very good time together. I felt as close to her as in the very beginning, and I thought she might finally commit to me. Though these hopes were quickly destroyed, as she said that we had already discussed that, and that she just didn't feel this way. I let her go with a smile on my face.

That winter we did everything together. When I finally came home from the Netherlands we were inseperable, inseperable friends. It hurt me to be with her, with her in such distance to me, yet when I was at home I could think of nothing else but her. But nothing happened. I let her go to Cambridge again, and I eventually picked up my study in the Netherlands again.

There came a point at which I felt that I would finally need to get her out of my head. I tried thinking the whole story as objective as possible through again. I figured that I had done nothing wrong, and that she had actually not played fair. She had rejected me, yet had kept me close-by, so that I could always jump in and help, because she knew she meant the world to me. I started getting grudgy about her, and managed to entirely forget about her in a loving way. I still cared about her though.

Recently we have been having contact again. I've been listening to her complaints about her study. And I'm actually looking forward to meeting her in probably less than a week: She's home from Cambridge for the summer. Now let's hope old feelings don't warm up again.

Me and My Women #3 - M

Lesson learned from this woman:
Never give yourself up for a woman.

I've told you all of M before. She's the only woman I've had something called a relationship with. Yet, for some reason, seeing her nowadays touches me the least of all "My Women". This will probably be the longest story of them all though. Sit back and relax.

M is the little sister of a girl that watched over me when I had my own weekend that I later oversaw with E (and M). My brother was there aswell. He was in the age of M's sister, and they became friends. Through this I first heard of her, even though I didn't really know who she was. Halfway through 2005 though, I met her on one of the preparation meetings for these kids-weekends. I thought she was pretty, and I actually knew quite a bit about her. I fell in love with her pretty quickly, without telling her of course. We'd travel back from those meetings together, as we lived in the same direction, and that's how we first got talking.

My brother told me a few more things about her. Amongst other things I learned that her mum had died in the beginning of 2005, and due to that, she was cutting her arms. She told me herself not long after, when we were talking on the phone for hours. She actually holds the record to date of the longest phone conversation between me and a woman, which is currently 7 hours. You can see, we got to know each other fairly well. I knew she was attracted to me in a certain way, but as always I was very bad at interpreting the attraction.

We started meeting each other, were harmlessly lying next to each other on her bed, sometimes cuddling sometimes chatting. And I still wasn't sure whether I should make a move or not. The chats we had were surreal at times. We would discuss how basically only the making-out part was missing for us to be a couple, yet neither would make the move. One night after such a surreal chat I was about to leave, when she grabbed me, kissed me, and wished me a good night. This was the beginning of our first relationship. Only about a month later she already left me, because she was going to go into a psychological clinic, which was going to help her get over her mother's death and the general situation at home.

I was hurt, when she left me, especially since it had been my aim to help her help herself. I was now powerless. She left to the clinic, I met her there after two months, we were friends. Midway through 2006 I graduated from school, and her and I got back together. We had a good time then, even though she was still very depressed, still cut herself, and her eating habbits weren't exactly perfect aswell. But we worked around it.

Later that year, as you might know, I left her, because I knew I was going to travel through Australia in early 2007. I knew I had to split from her because a. I knew it would break her heart to see me leave, and b. I needed the time seperated from Germany to fully live Australia, I didn't want to be bound to message regularly etc. It came differently, as her and I got back together only days before Australia started. We lived through it aswell, but only two weeks after I came back she left me for another guy.

I was devastated. Her relationship only held for a couple of weeks, during which I met C again. M and I developed what people call a "friends with benefits" relationship, during which I met and fell in love with A. When M heard of me talking about A, she realized that she wanted me. I had to turn her down as my heart was taken again. It took her a while to accept it, but she now is in a new relationship and it seems to be going good. I on the other hand have been having nightmares as of lately, in which M balmes me of being responsible for her mothers death. I e-mailed her, seeking help, to which her only response was a spammail concerning gas prices about a month ago (two months after the help-seeking e-mail).

So I told her that she should not contact me anymore. The nightmares have been reducing lately, but I am very sad about how the whole thing was handled. It is her time to make a move.

Me and My Women #2 - E

Lesson learned from this woman:
Feelings can be a never ending story.

This will be a very vague story, because most of this is interpretation from my part. I met E, if I remember correctly (and this isn't all that reliable), about half a year after the very first story with C went downhill. E was a very beautiful and selfconcious girl, the best friend of a friend of mine. We both were watching over new kids of our school on special weekends designed to get the parents of the kids together and organized. I don't know how the attraction towards each other started, it was just there. We were fooling around and comforted each other, had fun in the evenings and whenever there was time. Back then I was never sure if what I felt was what I thought it was, and if what I thought she might be feeling was what she actually felt, because we never ever spoke about those things. And before I could clarify, those weekends were already over.

Whenever we met outside of these weekends, for example on school ground, we'd be fooling around aswell, always on some weird sarcastic level. She'd compliment me about something, I'd take it as a joke, and make fun of something about her, and we'd all laugh. There was a certain attraction, but it never broke through some invisible wall which held us apart. I think we both thought it wouldn't work or the other one isn't seriously interested. Plus, she quickly got involved with some guy, yet kept fooling around with me. At some point I got involved with M and we lost contact, though when we met, we still got along very well.

In late 2007 we had contact again, after M had broken up with me, and I was more or less happily single. She told me she had a letter for me which she'd give me on a prom we were both going to. When I received it and read it, I was baffled. It was a diary entry of back in the days when we were both on these weekends, where she exlpained in detail what happened, and how she thinks how cute and cool and caring I am, and how much fun she has with me, but on the other hand her final sentence was something like "Yet I still have to stick to [her future boyfriend]". Reading those lines of how cute and awesome I am made me feel weird. It showed me I could've maybe worked something out with her, which had been a dream back then, and she was still a beautiful and confident woman, plus she is clever. You know how it is, everything comes back at you.

Though, after a few calls and chats the contact broke up again, until recently, when we met on her graduationparty and her grade's prom, where I felt a certain attraction (god I'm telling you she is beautiful), and I definately had the feeling she was flirting with me, but apparently, after a little chat with a friend of hers, that is just her way of showing she likes someone in a friend-way. So I decided to pull together and enjoy the presence. I still think she is very adorable and definately would be a candidate, but I am a little late there.

Me and My Women #1 - C

Lesson learned from this woman:
Feelings are not the only thing of importance.

This story is one of the first ever, including me and a woman. I got to know C on a holiday trip with one of my best friends G and a few other people. C and her boyfriend were with us aswell. I can't say I was interested in her straight away, but halfway through the holidays I got to know her a little better, and we found a certain charme in each other. Even though she was with her boyfriend, we'd hang out, start holding hands secretly etc. I was ~15 back then, so that was pretty special to me. At the end of this holiday she decided she had made a mistake, doing what she had done, and wanted to solve the whole thing with her boyfriend first.

Though, after only two days of being back at home we started talking via phone for hours on end. She quit the relationship with her boyfriend, which was all in all a pretty rough story. We met each other a few times, but never got it properly rolling. This was mainly my fault, because for some reason I stopped contacting her. Oh boy, was I stupid. We met in school rather regularly, but it wasn't as it was before. Only a few months later she was involved again with another guy. Our contact completely vanished.

Atleast a year afterwards we randomly met again, when I planned to go on a skiing trip and she and her still-boyfriend and a few others were there aswell. I mentioned there how I still liked her. But of course I also knew I was too late. We had a fun week, and stayed in touch afterwards. Her relationship wasn't as rosy as she had wished it to be. Her boyfriend lied to her consistently and even started cheating on her. Though for some reason she stood up for him and kept coming back. I helped her numerous times through hard times back then. This made us good friends. Finally she left her boyfriend, after three years of lies and cheating, and was a happy single, so she says.

After Australia, after M left me, C and I found support in each others arms. I was still attracted to her, she seemed to be a little staggering. I can't say it was a proper try, but it was a good time we had back then, even though it broke apart fairly quickly. Another half year later we met again, and for some reason the whole thing between us started sparking again. I thought I wanted her, she was cautious, I was drunk, we kissed (which I barely remember), then argued the next day and finally decided that we should stay friends, and not ever have such a thing again, because it keeps making us depressed. By now C is in a fresh relationship. I must admit though, when I meet her, I do feel sparks in my body.

Me and My Women Introduction

Motto of this chapter:
Women could be the root of all evil.

I've been thinking to revive this blog for several times now, which you probably know. Now to get it back into business I need to get back up-to-date, which means I have to resumée on the past ~ year. One of the major stories includes, who would've thought, women. But I think, for everyone to get a better understanding of the whole "me and women" story I need to provide more information, which includes women from even before this blog started. So I will write a few chapters called "Me and My Women", which explain in a little more detail every story there is with any woman.

Enjoy,
Franz

The Tale of Pets and Assholes

Motto of the past months:
Life is rough - learn to deal with it.

I went ahead and translated my text from the post before into english. I am not 100% satisfied, but I couldn't be fucked to go over it again. Enjoy:

Im astonished time and time again by love and the actors involved in it's tragic Plot. I am a calm, withstanding, giving and loving person. If I am interested in a woman, I am not scared to give 11o%, not only to reign her heart, but also to ensure, that she does not have to suffer physical or psychological damage. I will even let my own health and wellbeing drop out of sight and take any damage that is being inflicted on me. That I can possibly withstand this is of course irrational, which I know at any point of time. Though this is not of importance in that situation as I am hoping to reach happiness and wellbeing, should I reign the woman. Through the sacrifices I am doing, and the loyalty I am offering, it sometimes occurs to me, that the woman goes on distance, be it due to the fact, that women in my age are incapable of handling these attributes - loyalty like mine is rare, thus alot of women do know know it and the unknown is always frightening - or that, according to several female friends of mine, a guy who will always catch you when you are in danger of falling will rapidly lose sexappeal and the woman will lose interest in said guy, as women apparently like to be the reigning person. This is something that I can only barely understand. My - obviously outdated - view of the princess who is waiting for her knight in shining armor and who is thankful for the selflessness and the bravery, fighting the big, bad, fire-spewing dragon, and thus having put his own life at stake, is so it seems not applicable anymore at this day and age. Or maybe I just have to find such a woman, which is actually interested in my kind of guy.

A question that arises from this is why women are drawn towards men who actually do not seem to be interested in her, as the female friends mentioned earlier say that ignorance towards a woman often works as a catalysor, if the woman is already slightly interested in the guy. You could get the idea, that women want an assignment. They want to repair the broken guys, want to change them to a loving man, a pet, that they actually never wanted. If a first generation asshole type of guy ends up in a serious relationship, he will be forced to change from the woman, until she can hand-feed him. If he does not comply and not change, he will end up single faster than you can say "Two-Faced", and to be honest, this slips your tongue very fast, if you try hard enough. The woman's reasoning is, that the guy will be considered a threat to the woman's wellbeing, if he doesn't change his attitude. In his core the guy still is a rebel and acts like one: he forgets to reply to a text message here and there, he trolls around the blocks with his crew, he exchanges flirty winks with other women, meaning he does exactly the same things that he did, when the woman got the idea she could change him. In this case the woman proves how she learned from the errors in the logic of the pet type of guys and turns her back on the asshole type of guy, only to fall for another one, five minutes later.

This goes on and on for quite a while. The women get demotivated, put several curses on the entire manhood, saying they are the cause for her fucked up life. This is where the reader may think, that it is the time for a pet type of guy, to show what heroic things they are capable of. Sadly life's irony kicks in: the good little doggies have learned new tricks and now think, that the only way, to reign a woman, is to act like an asshole. These guys are called second generation asshole type of guys. So the former stabilizers and helpers through the rough times of the asshole type of guys are now no different to their original archenemies, which might get them a little attention, since they used to be so nice and kind and whatnot, but after a short while it turns out, they changed. So the vicious circle starts anew: the woman thinks, she can change the new asshole into a pet again, since everyone carries a good heart in their chest.

I don't think I have to elaborate any further, since any half-intelligent person should be able to spot the pattern:
Whatever you do, as a male you are fucked.

So long,
stay tuned,
Franz

Von Schoßhunden und Arschlochtypen

Motto of the past months:
Life is rough - learn to deal with it.

Let me quickly drop by to leave this text I wrote for all german folk out there. I might actually translate it someday:

Ich wundere mich jedes Mal wieder über die Liebe und die Schauspieler in ihrem geradezu tragödischen Drehbuch. Ich bin ein sehr ruhiger, hinnehmender, gebender und liebender Mensch. Wenn ich eine Frau interessant finde, gebe ich 11o% nicht nur um ihr Herz zu erobern, sondern auch um sicherzustellen, dass ihr weder physischer noch seelischer Schaden entsteht. Das geht soweit, dass ich mein eigenes Heil und Wehe teils sehr weit in den Hintergrund stelle, und alles ertrage, was auf mich zukommt. Das ich das durchhalte ist natürlich ein Trugschluß, was mir auch durchaus bewußt ist. Das ist aber in dieser Situation deswegen hinfällig, da ich mir erhoffe, sollte ich die Frau erobern können, völliges Seelenheil zu erlangen. Das ich durch meine komplette Hingabe die Frau teilweise von mir wegstoße, sei es dadurch, dass Mädels in meinem Alter mit einer solchen Hingabe nicht umgehen können - eine derartige Zuwendung ist selten anzutreffen, daher den meisten unbekannt, und unbekanntes ist ersteinmal nicht geheur - oder dass, laut der Aussage diverser weiblicher Freunde, eine Person, die sich völlig hingibt, die also quasi immer und überall zur Stelle ist, rapide Sexappeal und Interessanz einbüßt, da Frauen wohl gerne Eroberer spielen wollen. Dies ist wieder ein Umstand, den ich nur schwer begreifen kann. Meine - anscheinend sehr veraltete - Ansicht von der Prinzessin die vom Prinzen gerettet wird, und dankbar für die Aufopferung und den Mut, gegen den bösen Drachen zu kämpfen, und damit mit dem eigenen Leben gespielt zu haben, ist, kann scheints heute nicht mehr angewandt werden, oder zumindest muss ich bis dato eine Frau finden, die lange Interesse daran hat.

Was zieht Frauen also in Richtung der Männer, die eigentlich kein Interesse zeigen, denn laut Aussage selbiger weiblicher Freunde ist Desinteresse des Mannes an der Frau wie Reißig im Feuer, wenn schon ein gewisses von der Frau ausgehendes Interesse besteht. Man könnte fast meinen, Frauen wollen eine Aufgabe, sie wollen die verkorksten Männer glätten, ihnen die Flausen aus dem Kopf treiben, und sie zu den Schoßhündchen machen, die Sie eigentlich gar nicht haben wollen. Denn landet man als Arschlochtyp der ersten Generation, wie diese Art der Männer im Volksmund desöfteren genannt werden, in einer ernstgemeinten Beziehung, kann die Partnerin es nicht abwarten, den Mann zu verbiegen, um ihn gefügig und zahm zu machen. Beugt man sich dem nicht, ist man schneller wieder Schnee von gestern, als man "Doppelmoral" sagen kann, und mit etwas Übung geht das verflixt schnell von den Lippen. Denn wer sich nicht beugen lässt, wird ab einem gewissen Zeitpunkt als Gefahr für das Wohl der Frau eingestuft. Schließlich ist man ein Rebell, und verhält sich auch dementsprechend: man vergisst hier und da eine Antwort auf SMS, man zieht alleine mit den Jungs um den Block, man tauscht ein- oder zweideutige Blicke mit anderen Frauen aus, eben genau das, was man vorher auch gemacht hat. In diesem Fall zeigt die Frau dann deutlich, dass sie aus den Fehlern der Schoßhündchentypen, die sie früher schon immer abgeschossen hat, gelernt hat, und wendet sich vom Arschloch ab, nur um zwei Straßenzüge weiter in die nächste Falle eines Arschlochtyps zu tappen.

So verhält es sich eine ganze Weile. Die Frauen werden demotiviert, verfluchen die gesamte Männerwelt, Sie sei Schuld am allgemeinen Leidbefinden der Frau, und der Ausgleich müsste hier eigentlich den Schoßhündchen ihre Zeit einräumen, die Heldentaten zu vollführen, von denen sie ihr ganzes Leben schon geträumt haben. Die Ironie des Lebens will es aber, dass die braven Hundis auch aus ihren Fehlern mehr oder weniger gelernt haben. Sie haben in ihrer Kurzsicht begriffen, dass Arschlochtypen es besser haben, und werden zur Arschlochtypen der zweiten Generation. Aus den stehten Begleitern durch die schweren Zeiten mit den Arschlochtypen der ersten Generation sind ausgewachsene Bulldoggen geworden, die jetzt unter Umständen zwar angeschmachtet werden, da sie immer so verständnisvoll und hingebend waren, sind es jetzt aber nicht mehr. Da geht der Zyklus also wieder von vorne los, und die Frau denkt sich, sie könne den weichen Kern, den ja jeder Mann in sich trägt, wieder zum Vorschein bringen lassen.

Ich denke ich muss die Geschichte hier nicht weiter fortführen, denn ein gewisses Muster sollte jedem halbwegs intelligenten Menschen langsam auffallen:
Wie Mann's macht, macht Mann's verkehrt.

So long,
stay tuned,
Franz