Me and My Women #5 - L

Lesson learned from this woman:
Don't even try fixing a broken heart, you'll end up being hurt and possibly used.

This story is the most recent and possibly the most hurting of them all. I first mentioned L during the period when I tried forgetting about A. I saw her in my club of choice and liked the visual, and I loved her dancing. It gave me shivers watching her. But I was just getting rid of a woman, so I told myself not to get in the next story right away. But it was so tempting, that my curiosity finally won. As I was too shy to go ahead and chat her up I organized me her name and messenger details and chatted her up there.

My hopes quickly crumbled down as she told me that she had just gotten out of a four and a half year relationship and her ex-boyfriend was due to come home from Australia - the mentioning of Australia made me giggle inside. She told me she had some half-story with a barkeeper in my favorite club, and that her ex had announced that he wanted her back, even though he had cheated on her. But in basically the same sentence she said that she would be interested in meeting me. So I didn't give up and chatted with her quite frequently. When I went home the following weekend we met in person and spoke the first time and I was just in love with her from that moment on. But I had concludded from my previous women that I am always endangered to get too deep too fast, so I decided to ask her right the next day if she could think of me and her as a couple in the near of far future. She said no, and I was able to accept it and move on, after announcing, that our contact would need to go down.

The next week she chatted me up immediately, saying she wanted to come to the Netherlands and stay with me for fife days, which I took as a sign, that she changed her opinion. I was happy to hear about it, and we started chatting more frequently again. She liked me, she admitted. We started talking via phone, nearly even broke the record I had with M. She clutched onto me, because the thing with the barkeeper was not working out at all, and I was once again playing heart-mechanic. We were also getting quite intimate verbally. It was Thursday and she was due on Wednesday of the following week. I decided I would take an unplanned trip home for the weekend and meet her, and when she heard about it, she was incredibly happy and said she was looking forward to seeing me.

So I went home, we went to get something to eat, we went to the movies, she invited me to her place, we hung out, made out, were very romantic. She asked me if I would want to stay at her place for the night which I of course answered with a "Yes!". The whole making out and being romantic part was killing the last voices of carefulness. We got under her only blanket, and as we were laying there, half naked, her head on my chest, she suddenly said that I should go, because she had just realized, that she wanted back to her ex-boyfriend. I was fucked that right moment. She started crying, I told her not to cry, got up, got dressed and left broken-heartedly.

I chatted her up the following week, asking her about her new old relationship, asking her about the barkeeper, helping her with her hurt heart. Only one and a half weeks after she got back with her (ex-?)boyfriend they broke up again, or rather, she broke up again. I'm a little confused concerning the name of him now, is it her ex-boyfriend, or her ex-ex-boyfriend? Hm. Anyway, let's move on. She had something with Mr. Barkeeper again. A few days later she was going to a festival with her ex-(ex-(ex-?)?)boyfriend. When I headed home that week she asked me if I wanted to come, which I felt was pretty rude. I denied.

From said festival I got a call that weekend. I took it, and screamed whether she was there, as I only heard loud music. When she didn't reply I noticed the actual song playing and recognized it as "The Offspring - Self Esteem". Now if you are not familiar with it, the lyrics are basically about a guy being used by a girl. The song is from the guys perspective, how he is heart-broken but cannot let her go, and she keeps hurting him. I instantly knew that there was a reason why she let me hear that exact song. I felt like someone had hit me with a katana right through my heart. She was admitting that she was playing with me.

The next week when I was in the Netherlands again we chatted and she told me by the way about how her ex was coming over to bring pizza. When I asked her whether she was back with him, she said she didn't know and was confused. I asked her to call me the next day, I wanted to ask her about her feelings for me and about that stupid idea with the song. She never called. Instead she wrote me a text message, which only read that she can't call, her ex- was there and they were watching football, she would call on the weekend. I sent her a text message that I couldn't care less about the phone call anymore, that everything was basically said, and that I wont contact her again. That was yesterday. I'm feeling relief.

I just have to stick to my commitments.